


In This Lifetime

by ArgentLives



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Cheesiness Abound, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2015-12-19
Packaged: 2018-05-07 13:47:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5458667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArgentLives/pseuds/ArgentLives
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Really, she’s not complaining, except that she is. Because she could break this off at any moment, tell Kendra she’s not okay with it and that she can’t do this anymore and that it’s tearing her apart, and she knows that she would understand. It’s a complicated thing, after all, and they’re both sort of new to it, and she had agreed to it, in the first place. But she can’t, because she likes Kendra too much. If she’s being completely honest with herself, she’s pretty sure she loves her.</p><p>And at the end of the day, Kendra will always be destined to be with someone else.</p><p> </p><p>[A soulmate story in which the person Kendra loves is not actually her soulmate. They make it work, anyway]</p>
            </blockquote>





	In This Lifetime

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the soulmate au for day 3 of Flarrow Femslash Week; I'm actually really not a huge fan of soulmate aus so I kind of added my own twist to it and this is more of an...anti-soulmates au? That made more sense in my head. Uh, I don't like Carter.

Sara is no stranger to sexual tension when fighting with people she’s attracted to, but she’d sort of thought she’d hit her peak with Nyssa back in her League of Assassin days. That was before, of course, she’d met her new time-traveling companions. And Kendra Saunders.

It’s dangerous, she knows. She _likes_ Kendra. Really likes her. She’s fairly certain that Kendra is attracted to her, too, if their training sessions are anything to go by. All those lingering looks, the too-long touches and stolen glances—and yet, she doesn’t kid herself to think that Kendra feels anything for her past what’s physical, even if they have come to be good friends, bonding over being the only women on their rag-tag little team.

Besides, there’s that whole fact that, you know, Kendra has Carter. Her reincarnated lover, her _soulmate_ , and how could Sara ever expect to compete with that? Still, the tension between them is getting to be so much she’s pretty sure even _Captain Cold_ is starting to notice, and she can tell it’s only a matter of time before she snaps and does something completely stupid like kiss Kendra the next time she’s close enough. Which is what she really, really wants to do, what she thinks about far too much, these days, and would be a very bad idea.

To her surprise, though, it’s Kendra whose resolve breaks first. They’re training together, hitting and blocking and working up a sweat, when somehow she ends up pinned beneath Kendra, hands above her head as Kendra holds them there and stays on top of her, leaving them pressed up together chest to chest. Instead of rolling away like she usually does, this time Kendra just _doesn’t move_. Being in this position is still relatively new for Sara, because it’s really rare that anyone can get the best of her in a fight, but she tells herself it’s only because she’d been distracted—she’s not that easily taken down, and she still holds that whenever Kendra uses her wings to her advantage when they’re sparring it’s totally cheating. She counts the fact that her training partner is also wearing tights that are unfairly flattering into that equation, too.

Kendra’s hair tickles her cheek, and her wings swoop around them to shield them from view from the rest of the team, the feathers brushing against Sara’s arms and making her skin break out in goosebumps despite the fact that she feels so _hot_ right now. She looks at Sara with wide eyes, pupils dilated, so close Sara can feel the rise and fall of her chest as she struggles to catch her breath. Her heart hammers against her ribcage as Kendra leans in even closer, their faces only inches apart, and she’s pretty sure the training isn’t the only reason her pulse is still racing. Kendra doesn’t look like she’s faring much better, skin flushed and chest heaving, her bare torso unbelievably warm against Sara’s, and God, she looks so good.

“Go out with me,” Kendra breathes, still winded, the sweat glistening between her breasts that Sara finds herself just wanting to _lick_ away coupled with the hungry her eyes making it really hard to think, and _whose idea was it to wear only their sports bras during these things, anyway?_

“What about Carter?” she forces herself to ask, even though her heart is in her throat and it’s the last thing she wants to hear, because Kendra is _asking her out_ , but she needs to know. It’s hard to keep the bitterness out of her voice when she says Carter’s name, but for Kendra’s sake she manages. She doesn’t think the woman would appreciate it if she were to insult her literal soulmate. “Aren’t you two supposed to be made for each other, and all?”

“It’s the 21st century,” Kendra shrugs, “Soulmates are overrated. We don’t really get along much, anyway, so we’ve agreed to call at an...open relationship.”

Sara blames the heat of the moment for the fact that she agrees just like that, no further questions, but in retrospect it’s probably just because she’s a masochist.

They go out. Or at least, they plan to. In reality, they never make out of the house, because Kendra pulls Sara into a searing kiss the second she steps into her apartment, and then they’re tearing off each other’s clothes to make up for months of suppressed _everything_ within the first few minutes of their date.

They go out again. And again. And they sleep together, a lot, and sometimes afterwards, Kendra even stays. Sara never imagined that she’d ever be the little spoon, but she never feels safer than when she’s wrapped up in Kendra’s arms. If she’s being completely honest, that’s her favorite part of it all, the sleepy nights huddled close together and the pancakes they make together in the morning, talking over coffee and smiling so much her cheeks hurt, even more so than the passion and heat of their…arrangement (not relationship, she tells herself, it’s not quite that, even if they do everything that she imagines girlfriends do). Of course, the sex is great, too.

It takes her all of two weeks to realize that this is bad idea. A really, really bad idea. The League might have made her tougher, her soul is probably black as anything, and on a good day she feels like a bad person instead of the monster she probably is, but she’s still tragically just as much of a hopeless romantic as she was all those years ago when she got on that boat with Oliver Queen. She still falls hard and fast for people, she still _cares_ to easily, and with this new component to their relationship she can already feel herself starting to care too much for Kendra.

Okay, that’s a lie. She was already way past far gone from before they ever even agreed on this—heartbreak was always inevitable. Now she’s just…actively chipping away the pieces, setting herself up for it to be even worse, speeding the whole process along.

She ignores Carter during their missions, and Carter mostly ignores her. So, nothing new. She knows he knows about her and Kendra, because they haven’t exactly been subtle, and she catches the glares he sends her way sometimes, but she reminds herself that he’s apparently okay with it, at the end of the day. And he’s the actual soulmate in this equation, so Sara thinks has relatively little room to complain compared to her, because she’ll never be that for Kendra. What is new, though, is that Kendra mostly ignores Carter too—instead of their usual bickering, she resorts to a roll of her eyes here, a cold shoulder there. And yet…Sara is sure they must be just fine behind the scenes, that they can roll their eyes at each other and pretend to fight all they want but they’re still all for each other otherwise. She should probably just ask, but no. Willful ignorance is a beautiful, terrible thing.

Really, she’s not complaining, except that she is. Because she could break this off at any moment, tell Kendra she’s not okay with it and that she can’t do this anymore and that it’s tearing her apart, and she knows that she would understand. It’s a complicated thing, after all, and they’re both sort of new to it, and she had agreed to it, in the first place. But she can’t, because she likes Kendra too much. If she’s being completely honest with herself, she’s pretty sure she loves her.

And at the end of the day, Kendra will always be destined to be with someone else.

When it gets to be too much, and she doesn’t know what to do anymore but she can’t keep doing this, she calls Laurel, like somehow it’ll be just like old times, back when she was fifteen and had her heart broken for the first time and her older sister seemed to have all the answers. She doesn’t, not this time, but she does have an excellent shoulder to cry on a freezer full of Ben & Jerry’s, which is almost as good.

She doesn’t tell Kendra where she’s going, or how long she’ll be gone, so by the time she gets back from Central City a week later to find Kendra sitting on her couch ( _why had she ever thought it would be a good idea to give her a key?)_ and looking understandably put-out, she steels herself for a very painful conversation.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” Kendra says, sounding more confused than angry. It’s not a question. She gets up to meet Sara at the door, taking the suitcase out of her hand and placing it to the side so that she can close the distance between them more easily. “Why?”

“I just…I needed time to think. About all this.” She doesn’t elaborate on what ‘all this is,’ but judging by the hurt that sparks in Kendra’s eyes and the little crease that forms between her eyebrows, she’s pretty sure she doesn’t have to.

“About us,” Kendra clarifies, and she’s not still not asking. “I thought…I thought we were good. More than good. What changed?”

Sara takes a deep, steadying breath, silently grateful that she’d more or less cried herself dry while she was at Laurel’s. “I can’t keep doing this, Kendra. I—I can’t be with you knowing that I’ll never be what you need, that I’ll never be good enough for you, not like Carter—”  

“ _Carter?”_ Kendra blinks, taking a step back. “Jesus, is that what this is about? Sara…you’re not, like, my side piece, or anything like that, if that’s what you’re worried about. There’s seriously nothing going on between me and Carter, and you can’t be the other woman in this relationship because you’re the _only_ woman. As in, the only person I’m seeing. In that way. I promise.”

“But I thought you said we were calling it an ‘open relationship?’” Sara frowns, hating herself for the tiny sliver of hope she can hear in her voice.

Kendra winces, and gives her an apologetic smile. “Yeah, that was a really poor choice of words. By _‘open’_ I meant _‘this is apparently how fate wants things to be but we’re choosing to completely ignore fate and also each other.’_ Carter wasn’t too happy about it at first, until I so nicely reminded him that he doesn’t own me, or my choices. I thought it was pretty obvious that we pretty much only tolerate each other, in this life, but…I’m sorry, I should have realized—I didn’t know you thought we were still together.”

“How could I not think that?” Sara lifts her gaze to the ceiling as Kendra puts what’s meant to be a comforting hand on her shoulder, feeling a ridiculous combination of hopeful and miserable. “He’s your _soulmate_.”

“Okay, listen, let’s get something straight here,” Kendra narrows her eyes, cupping Sara’s chin in her hand so that she’ll meet her eyes again. “I don’t know about Priestess Chay’ara, and if she was in love with her soulmate in all her past lives. But Kendra Saunders, the former barista from Wisconsin who time travels on a semi-regular basis and still has no idea what she’s really doing with her life? That girl is in love with Sara Lance.”

“Did you…” Sara takes a deep breath, her throat going dry and laughter bubbling up in her chest from both amusement and budding elation. _Love?_ Oh. Kendra _loves_ her _._ “Did you seriously just tell me you loved me for the first time _in the third person_?”

“Hey, I’m trying to be sappy here, don’t ruin the moment,” Kendra pouts, pressing her lips together in good-natured disapproval. She flicks Sara’s nose, making her go momentarily cross-eyed, and grins as she takes in the tentative smile tugging at Sara’s lips. “Okay, okay. No third person. How’s this? It doesn’t matter if me and Carter were lovers in every single past life we’ve shared together, or if we will be in every single one in the future. All of that soulmate stuff? I couldn’t care less about it. It doesn’t matter to me, and it shouldn’t matter to you either, because all that matters is that in this life, I choose you. I love _you_ , Sara. Not Carter. What I feel for him isn’t even a fraction of what I feel for you. And that’s not something I could ever fake, I promise.”

“You’re really choosing me over your soulmate?”

Kendra shrugs, punching Sara’s shoulder playfully. “I guess you’re just that special.”

The laughter that’s been steadily building in her chest finally spills over, and it takes her a few moments to stop laughing long enough to speak. “You are literally a reincarnated warrior goddess with _wings_ and you’re calling _me_ special?”

“Priestess. Reincarnated priestess, Sara, I’m not a goddess.”

“Could’ve fooled me,”Sara says cheekily, her eyes bright and smile so big there are dimples in her cheeks, and Kendra has to laugh because it’s just so _cheesy_.

“You are too much,” Kendra shakes her head fondly, “But hey, you’ve come back from the dead before too. Maybe we were made for each other, after all.”

“So, what, I’m like your new soulmate?”

“Nah, you’re my girlfriend. Who I love, like, a lot,” Kendra smiles and presses their foreheads together. “Fuck soulmates, honestly.”

“Fuck soulmates,” Sara agrees with a grin, and kisses her. “I love you,” she adds, and kisses her again.


End file.
